RetireJapan

Tsumitate Wrestler wrote: ↑Wed Apr 03, 2024 2:28 am

cocacola wrote: ↑Wed Apr 03, 2024 1:52 am With "join accounts" not really being the norm here, it's probably more compelling and easier to have that "secret stash".

I don't blame women for having that, especially in Japan where so much value is put on someone's youthful age. Them having a secret pot o' cash is just insurance for them.

Perhaps the gentlemen need to also consider something like this?

Anyone who is in a position where they are mostly dependent on their spouse should probably take similar measures.

RetireJapan wrote: ↑Tue Apr 02, 2024 7:04 am Just found out casually that my wife has a bank account with a substantial (couple of years' worth of spending) amount of cash in

northSaver wrote: ↑Wed Apr 03, 2024 3:05 am

RetireJapan wrote: ↑Tue Apr 02, 2024 7:04 am Just found out casually that my wife has a bank account with a substantial (couple of years' worth of spending) amount of cash in

I really don't understand this. You knew about the account from the start but didn't include it because there was almost nothing in it? And she assumed that it was included all this time? Or she simply forgot to tell you about it until now? Anyway, it's good news unless she was deliberately hiding it from you.

A Japanese man I know has a secret account, and thinks his wife probably does too. He thinks it's common in Japan. WTF? It seems unthinkable to me

RetireJapan wrote: ↑Wed Apr 03, 2024 4:31 am I didn't know how much was in the account, so I hadn't been including it in any of my planning.

Feels a bit like a minor lottery win

Dear Betrayed in Boston,

There’s a name for what you’re experiencing: financial infidelity. That is, hiding or lying about financial information or behavior with your partner, whether it’s racking up credit card debt, overspending, or yes, getting a huge salary bump and keeping quiet about it. Whether or not she intended to hide her salary from you is another (very serious!) matter, but the bottom line is that it feels like a betrayal. It’s hard enough to feel taken advantage of by a stranger, but when it’s your partner, that undermines any sense of trust you two have.

Your situation is an example of why being transparent about money is so important in relationships, even when partners keep their finances separate. You both tried to establish this from the start, but you assumed transparency was there, while she was on a different page. ...

captainspoke wrote: ↑Wed Apr 03, 2024 10:36 pm I browsed across this article this morning, and thought of this thread. In the answer, the expression "financial infidelity" is used, which I think relates to the discussion above--does a secret stash represent that or not.

"....the bottom line is that it feels like a betrayal. It’s hard enough to feel taken advantage of by a stranger, but when it’s your partner, that undermines any sense of trust you two have."