Spousal secret stash

[cocacola]

With "join accounts" not really being the norm here, it's probably more compelling and easier to have that "secret stash".

I don't blame women for having that, especially in Japan where so much value is put on someone's youthful age. Them having a secret pot o' cash is just insurance for them.

Perhaps the gentlemen need to also consider something like this?

[Tsumitate Wrestler]

With "join accounts" not really being the norm here, it's probably more compelling and easier to have that "secret stash".

I don't blame women for having that, especially in Japan where so much value is put on someone's youthful age. Them having a secret pot o' cash is just insurance for them.

Perhaps the gentlemen need to also consider something like this?

Anyone who is in a position where they are mostly dependent on their spouse should probably take similar measures.

Edit: I should say separate accounts are a must for all couples, however secret accounts are understandable depending on someone's circumstances.

https://www.businessinsider.com/persona ... ts-2020-11

[northSaver]

Just found out casually that my wife has a bank account with a substantial (couple of years' worth of spending) amount of cash in

I really don't understand this. You knew about the account from the start but didn't include it because there was almost nothing in it? And she assumed that it was included all this time? Or she simply forgot to tell you about it until now? Anyway, it's good news unless she was deliberately hiding it from you.

A Japanese man I know has a secret account, and thinks his wife probably does too. He thinks it's common in Japan. WTF? It seems unthinkable to me

[CluelessToshika]

A few months back I double-checked with my wife about how much she had saved, which I vaguely remembered as amount X, and she said, "oh I think it's around amount Y" (which was X + about 60%), then a few days later she mentioned something along the lines of "oh, you know I said I had amount Y, it's actually amount Z", which turned out to be Y + about 35%, so in total a fairly large proportion of a lifetime NISA allowance.

Need to work on getting some of that working more productively for her, but was one of those things which helped me realise we're in a lot better shape finanically than I thought.

[RetireJapan]

Just found out casually that my wife has a bank account with a substantial (couple of years' worth of spending) amount of cash in

I really don't understand this. You knew about the account from the start but didn't include it because there was almost nothing in it? And she assumed that it was included all this time? Or she simply forgot to tell you about it until now? Anyway, it's good news unless she was deliberately hiding it from you.

A Japanese man I know has a secret account, and thinks his wife probably does too. He thinks it's common in Japan. WTF? It seems unthinkable to me

I didn't know how much was in the account, so I hadn't been including it in any of my planning.

Feels a bit like a minor lottery win

[northSaver]

I didn't know how much was in the account, so I hadn't been including it in any of my planning.

Feels a bit like a minor lottery win

Could've asked her maybe? I have to ask my wife for her account balances every quarter-end as I can't access them myself.

Or maybe you subliminally chose to ignore it so you could enjoy a moment like this is the future

[RetireJapan]

I'm not particularly bothered about my wife's bank accounts. We both work and other than regular investing do whatever we want with our money.

Was just pleasantly surprised this time that she is such a frugal supersaver

[captainspoke]

I browsed across this article this morning, and thought of this thread. In the answer, the expression "financial infidelity" is used, which I think relates to the discussion above--does a secret stash represent that or not.

https://slate.com/business/2024/04/girl ... ism=please

(I have to immediately go to Reader on a mac, otherwise it's paywalled.)

A bit of the reply to the letter writer:

Dear Betrayed in Boston,

There’s a name for what you’re experiencing: financial infidelity. That is, hiding or lying about financial information or behavior with your partner, whether it’s racking up credit card debt, overspending, or yes, getting a huge salary bump and keeping quiet about it. Whether or not she intended to hide her salary from you is another (very serious!) matter, but the bottom line is that it feels like a betrayal. It’s hard enough to feel taken advantage of by a stranger, but when it’s your partner, that undermines any sense of trust you two have.

Your situation is an example of why being transparent about money is so important in relationships, even when partners keep their finances separate. You both tried to establish this from the start, but you assumed transparency was there, while she was on a different page. ...

[adamu]

Now ask them what Twitter/Instagram accounts they have that you don't know about.

[Moneymatters]

I browsed across this article this morning, and thought of this thread. In the answer, the expression "financial infidelity" is used, which I think relates to the discussion above--does a secret stash represent that or not.

"....the bottom line is that it feels like a betrayal. It’s hard enough to feel taken advantage of by a stranger, but when it’s your partner, that undermines any sense of trust you two have."

"Infidelity" eh.
That's quite a strong term but I can clearly recall my wife talking about broken trust and betrayal after I was unfaithful to her about 15 years ago.
They say time heals everything but I'm not sure.
Even now it will come up in conversation and I need to tread carefully as not to let it ruin the day.
The fact it only happened in her dream is irrelevant, as I'm the cause for her having the dream apparently.

As an aside, neither this, nor any of the experiences I've had living here were covered in the 1997 edition of "Rough Guide to Japan". Hopefully some of these omissions have been addressed in newer editions..